All Aboard For The Ride Of Your Wallet

By DANIEL RUTH

Published: Feb 28, 2006

 

In the annals of civic blunders, Tampa's Streetcar Named Pariah probably will never quite measure up to the late, lamented monorail that traveled between nowhere and you can't get there from here.

But one must take one's debacle fodder where one finds it.

Longtime Tamparians will recall the sleek monorail system, which for years ran back and forth between Harbour Island and the mainland with fewer paying customers than a Made In America gift shop in the Sunni Triangle.

It was a thing of dunderheaded useless beauty.

Alas, eventually the monorail was razed, and in its place to claim the mantle of the most dubious transportation idea to come along since the coconut-clapping faux horses in "Monty Python and The Holy Grail" has been Tampa's Streetcar Named Kato Kaelin.

Fairly Simple

Later today the board that governs the streetcar system will meet to ponder the trolley's future, which is probably somewhere between Saddam Hussein's chances of acquittal and the likelihood the city of Manchester, England, will erect a statue honoring ManU soccer team owner Malcolm Glazer.

The issue is fairly simple.

Since the $53 million (and counting) trolley system began running the rails in 2002 from A to, well, A, it has attracted less ridership than Ted Kennedy offering to be the designated driver.

In 2004, HARTline posted a loss of $2.1 million to operate the trolley.

The problem is that although the trolley cars are cute as a button and a ride on the rails has a certain nostalgic appeal, the harsher reality is the streetcar system is little more than a very expensive and rather impractical unamusement ride.

As well, irony abounds.

For years, pols such as former Hillsborough County Commissioner Ed Turanchik have labored unsuccessfully to make a case to develop a light rail commuter system throughout the region.

Mortal Sin

Unfortunately, Turanchik and his fellow travelers failed miserably to make their case for a light rail system by committing the mortal sin of injecting common sense into a public policy debate.

So instead of pursuing a light rail system that in time would serve to ease commuter congestion and reduce pollution in an ever-expanding metropolitan region, a $53 million (and counting) glorified trolley car gewgaw over-budget operation was built with all the pragmatic mass-transit value of a Conestoga wagon.

At today's board meeting, various proposals to achieve some modicum of financial stability are expected to be mulled over, from the creation of a special taxing district along the trolley's route, to reducing operating times, to whistling past graveyards.

In the end, though, maybe nothing should be done except to leave the Streetcar Named Debenture alone to serve as a vivid monument to delusion, a case study in hubris-driven due diligence, an Orient Express of wishful thinking.

Even better, probably the most eloquent reminder of all the taxpayer boondoggles littering the ledger books is this $53 million (and counting) railroading of the public trust.

All aboard and hang onto your wallets. You're being taken for a very long ride.